And by the best things, I mean I just made myself really sad and lonely. I’m thinking too much and missing the illusions of the past.
My head knows that it wasn’t perfect, but my heart still aches for it. How is that possible? How is it possible, despite all of the life you have lived, that years later, you can still feel the exact same way about a person? It’s silly, really. Logistically, it wouldn’t work. But in the land of my heart, it would be perfect and seamless.
Maybe I miss him not because of him, but because of the time and the age. I didn’t have to worry about paying my rent on time, or covering tuition, or finding clients or paying taxes. All of that was nonexistent with him. Maybe I miss that. Not him.
That’s it! No way could I be missing the way he looked at me, so sweetly and so sincerely. Or the way my heart really and truly beat just for him. I don’t miss the countless hours we spent wrapped up in each others arms. Or the aimless drives we would take through the canyon. I don’t miss the way he made me laugh, cry, scream, and smile. I don’t miss the way I felt when I was with him. Nope. Not even a little.
…
But if I’m really honest, the thing I miss the most is feeling anything at all.
